This photo is so ordinary and grainy and dark and ugly but it's one of my favorite photos in the world now. I was just cleaning out my phone and came across it and looking at it feels like both a punch in the gut and like I'm cloud nine. I remember quickly taking it as I put him to bed the night before I left for New York, knowing it would be the last time I nursed him.
I cried a little bit and stroked his hair but mostly just smiled.. a lot. And he looked up at me like what?? I mean, I had done this every single day since the day he was born...I couldn't stop without (quite) a few tears. It's funny because I didn't really intend on nursing him past the year mark but when he turned one I/we just weren't ready. He would be about 18 months when I left for my trip and we decided that was probably the best way to go about it, clean break. He did fine and I did fine. And he's still the cuddliest little man on the planet so all is well in the world.
I know I'll have and nurse more babies (like 1,000 more if I could) but excuse me while I cry for awhile about my baby not being a baby any more. (and lets REALLY not talk about how he'll be turning 2 in a few months). Being a mama is so emotionally exhausting, am I right????